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41 practical ADVICES FOR TROUBLED MARRIAGES
-41-practical-advices-for-troubled-marriages
- There is no such thing as a perfect marriage; all marriages have some problem or the other, till the end; this is a test for Insan in this world
- Always focus on the positive points / aspects of the marriage and one's partner
- My partner has been ordained for me by My Creator; so no point in finding fault with His decree
- Realise that Allah made all different – temperament, habits, background – yet all have to live together; this is the challenge of marriage
- Realise that Allah has made man & woman different; man is to be the kind and compassionate protector of woman, not her tormentor
- Each partner must try to fulfil rights of the other and forgo own rights; not to fight for and demand rights
- Accept that no person is perfect; all have some faults; focus on own faults; not next person's faults; do not look for faults or highlight next person's faults all the time
- Never try to be a perfectionist in marriage issues
- Make a firm commitment to make marriage work; affirm this by word and deed; do not say or do things that may damage the marriage
- Be considerate of one's partner; be sensitive to one's partner; do not hurt feelings
- Appreciate each other; express it now and then; do not take next person or favours for granted
- Always be objective, not emotional; be rational, balanced and just
- Avoid assumptions, suspicions, negative perception of partner; always give benefit of doubt; must verify facts
- Gradually work towards overcoming one's weaknesses; give the next person a chance; be kind, not harsh
- Never be defensive; admit your mistakes; Allah alone is perfect. Avoid cynicism, pessimism, aggression & negativity always
- Anger is dangerous; it is also Haraam; control it by reading, water, wudhu, etc.
- Do not walk away in anger for more than a few hours; try to make up as quickly as possible with loving gestures
- Listen to the next person attentively, calmly, patiently; do not comment right away; think it over; take time to respond
- Lots of communication is required; communication requires skill and tact
- Compromise is essential; marriage is not a one way street; it is a dual road
- Consultation in a friendly manner in all major issues is important
- Balance the rights of everyone; do not be imbalanced; help one another to fulfil rights
- Learn to relax & unwind; be humourous, not tense and anxious all the time
- Be polite in speech & courteous; not rude & abrupt; do not scream or shout
- Forgive and forget; everyone makes mistakes
- Do not bring up the past; look forward, not backward; bygones are bygones; just as we want Allah to forgive us, forgive others
- Mutual respect is important; never run down one's partner
- Help each other in housework and chores; a working mum has extra pressures
- Take interest in the next person's matters; do not be selfish and self-centered
- Physical and verbal abuse is absolutely unacceptable
- Confidentiality is important; never discuss with too many people; consult a pious elder or learned Aalim if problems occur; but do not bottle up problems
- Time away from each other occasionally is healthy for the relationship
- Try and spend free time together, especially evenings & most weekends
- Money matters must be done with consultation; save, be thrifty; but also not to the extreme; (do not be extravagant)
- Have a medical check up for pressure, sugar, etc. which can cause anger and frustration
- No point in attributing all problems to Sihr (Jadu); avoid doubts; if necessary consult only an authentic Aamil (read Manzil for protection)
- Romance is needed occasionally to revive the marriage
- Come onto Deen fully; Salaah, Zikr, Tilawah; attend programs; start Taleem at home even for few minutes; avoid sins and change life
- When things go wrong, always ask: Where have we gone wrong? Rectify wrongs, give up sins, repent, all will come right soon, insha allah
- Never underestimate the power of Dua; ask Allah for His help at all times, especially when things are not right
- Each one will go to own grave & stand alone before Allah to answer for self, not for others. With this in mind, do one's duty and leave the rest to Allah.
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