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"Assertiveness is one thing – manipulation another." Many believe that to be assertive you must be manipulative. If this holds true, then assertiveness actually becomes aggression. Recognize that being assertive isn't about being controlling. It simply means expressing your wishes in an appropriate, effective way, while maintaining the respect for others. Keep in mind that assertiveness requires communication, negotiation and compromise.  When you treat others with respectful assertiveness, you gain their respect  in return. Try it! ©Jane Powell   By Joan Harrison 1. Doubting yourself The minute you doubt yourself then you have failed, remember the saying "if you think you can you will, if you think you can't you've failed" You are what you think, so think only positive. 2. Negative thinking Negative thinking gets you nowhere, employ a guard at the gate of your thoughts and equip him with a large sword, when negative thoughts come into your mind, your guard will cut them into tiny pieces. Imagination becomes reality, so imagine only positive. 3. Fear of failure Number 2 applies here. If you think you will fail then you will. Your thoughts control every part of your life, so dismiss failure as a negative thought. Think only of winning and you will. 4. Destructive relationships I have experienced a few of these in my time and particularly in friendships. Take a careful note of the five people you have closest to you, apparently you are measured by your five closest friends. Contemplate on what gift each relationship brings into your life. 5. Gossiping This one got me into trouble on many occasion, I have given it up. Gossip surrounds us everyday and it can be difficult to refrain, it is better for your health if you stay outside of gossiping circles. Be aware of what you think and ultimately what you say. 6. Criticizing yourself and others Criticism is negative and the purpose of these points is to dispose of negativity in your life. Remember when you point one finger at someone there are three fingers pointing back at you. As for self-criticism, why waste the energy? If you think negative about yourself then that is what life will give back to you. 7. Anger An emotion that will cause illness if you nurture it. Anger has no place in your heart if you want to develop the spiritual part of yourself. Remember, if someone hurts you then they will suffer the laws of Karma, you do not need to hold anger it is a painful emotion that will take up too much space inside your head. 8. Comfort eating When you comfort eat, you are trying to fill up a space inside. That space will never be filled with food. Discover what you are missing in your life, explore yourself and your thoughts and the excessive need for food or drink will be replaced by a more beneficial and healthier habit. 9. Laziness Laziness harms no-one but you! You have been given the gift of this life and each day is a present, if you choose to waste even a second of your time being lazy then you lose. You cannot hope to progress in any field of thought, work, or relationship if you have a lazy attitude. Good things come from hard work and if you had not noticed, nothing is free. 10. Negative self talk. This is a waste of energy and takes too much effort. Whilst you are spending time thinking negatively you are missing out on the positives of life. Why give precious energy to this task? Ask yourself 'how does negative talk enhance my life?' 11. Procrastination Putting off until tomorrow what you can do today is usually the result of fear. What are you afraid of? Feel the fear and do it anyway! 12. Fear of success This seems a strange one to have on this list I know. Sometimes we can fear success and the feeling can come from childhood messages. If you want move on in your life, create new messages in your mind, change your outlook and observe what happens. 13. People pleasing I was a people pleaser for most of my life, I learned as a child to do this thinking that pleasing people would make them like me. I was wrong. I feel much happier today putting myself first. Once I learned that other people could not bring me fulfillment, my life changed for the better. 14. Anything excessive When you gain awareness of yourself you will notice your thoughts, your daily routines, your habits. Anything that is excessive can become obsessive behavior, again are you looking to fill a hole that can never be filled? 15. Putting others before yourself I touched on this one in 13. You have to be number one, unless you have studied yourself along with your thought patterns and really understand who you are, then you will never be able to help others. Putting yourself first is not selfish, it is necessary to realize how important you are, this may be the first time in your life that you have been given permission to be selfish. Remember everything starts with a thought, take note of the first thought that pops into your head when you awake, if it is negative, dismiss it and replace the thought with a positive one. This is a great way to start the day. Think positive, and live a positive life! Confidently forward The difficulties can get you down, but only if you let them. The setbacks can make you discouraged, but only if you allow them to do so. You always have another choice. You can choose to focus on the good places you intend to go to, instead of on the painful places you've had to go through. Sure, life is tough and the journey is difficult. Yet at the same time life can be exquisitely beautiful and immensely rewarding. It doesn't really accomplish anything to complain about, or to dwell on, life's unfairness. What will make a positive difference is to put your energy and enthusiasm into following a meaningful purpose. Decide that you will put the difficulties to work for you. Let them inspire you and make you more and more determined. Each time you experience a setback, use it as an opportunity to remind you of the good and desirable places you intend to go. Then step confidently forward, leave that negative incident behind, and move ahead with more energy and passion than ever before. Ralph Marston        Rose!