After Reading the Joke >click below and enjoy music
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A marriage broker goes to see Mr. Cohen, a confirmed bachelor for many years.
"Mr Cohen, don't let it get too late.
I have exactly the woman you need.
You only have to say the word and you'll meet and be married in no time!" says the marriage broker.
"Don't bother," replies Mr. Cohen, "I've two sisters at home, who look after all my needs....
I am happy with that arrangement."
"That's all well and good, but all the sisters in the world cannot fill the role of a wife."
"I said 'two sisters'....
I didn't say they were mine!"
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There was this blonde who just got sick and tired of all the blonde jokes she'd hear at the office.
So one evening she went home and memorized all the state capitals.
Back in the office the next day, some guy started telling a Dumb Blonde joke.
She interrupted him with a shrill announcement,
"I've had it up to here with these blonde jokes.
I want you to know that this blonde went home last night and did something probably none of you could do...
I memorized all the state capitals."
One of the guys said "I don't believe you."
She said, "It's true. Just test me!"
"Okay. What is the capital of Alaska," he asked?
"A" she answered.
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A mortician was laying out the body of a man with an unbelievably long penis.
He called in his receptionist to show her.
She took one look and said, "It's just like my husband's penis."
"Wow, you mean he's got one that long?" the mortician asked.
"No," she replied. "That dead."
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Two men are approaching each other on a sidewalk.
Both are dragging their right foot as they walk.
As they meet, one man looks at the other knowingly,
points at his foot and says, "Vietnam, 1969."
The other hooks his thumb behind him and says,
"Dog shit, 20 feet back."
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BUCK & BUCKY were eating breakfast in a restaurant one morning.
BUCKY noticed something funny about BUCK's ear and she said,
''BUCK, do you know you've got a suppository in your left ear?'
BUCK answered, 'I have a suppository in my ear?' He pulled it out and stared at it.
Then he said, 'BUCKY, I'm glad you saw this thing ..
Now I think I know where to find my hearing aid.'
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Write for Mail Order
An elderly fisherman wrote to a mail order house the following:
"Please send me one of those gasoline engines for my boat you
show on page 438, and if it's any good,
I'll send you a check."
In a short time he received the following reply: "Please send check.
If it's any good, we'll send the engine."
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Beautiful Canadian Commercial
Two kids are arguing over whose father is the biggest scaredy-cat.
The first kid says, "My dad is so scared that when lightning strikes, he hides underneath the bed."
The second kid replies,"Yeah? Well, that's nothing.
My dad is so scared that when my mom has to work the nightshift, he sleeps with the woman next door."
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A guy cuddled up to his wife and softly whispered into her ear, "Could we make love, please dear?"
She rolled over away from him. "Not tonight, darling, I've got a splitting headache," she replied rather tersely.
Too horny to read the obvious signals, her husband pleaded, "Please, honey. I'll only stick it in for a minute."
"What do you think I am," his wife retorted, "a f%#king microwave?"
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Best Ventriloquist EVER!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qNJ02rxaNrs&feature=player_embedded#! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ten Ways to Say "Your Fly Is Open"
10. The cucumber has left the salad.
9. I can see the gun of Navarone.
8. Someone tore down the wall, and your Pink Floyd is showing.
7. You've got Windows in your laptop.
6. Sailor Dick's trying to take a little shore leave.
5. Your pod bay door is open, Hal.
4. Quasimodo needs to go back in the tower and tend to his bells.
3. Paging Mr. Johnson... Paging Mr. Johnson...
2. You need to bring your tray table to the upright position!
AND THE NUMBER ONE WAY TO TELL SOMEONE HIS FLY IS UNZIPPED...
1) I thought you were crazy; now I see your nuts!
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A male patient is lying in bed In the hospital, Wearing an oxygen mask over his Mouth and nose,
Still heavily sedated from a difficult four hour surgical procedure
A young student nurse appears to give him a Partial sponge bath.
Nurse,' he mumbles, from behind the mask 'Are my Testicles black?'
Embarrassed, the young nurse replies 'I don't know,Sir.
I'm only here to wash Your upper body.'
He struggles to ask again, 'Nurse, are my Testicles black?'
Concerned that he may elevate his vitals from worry about his testicles,
She overcomes her Embarrassment and sheepishly Pulls back the covers.
She raises his gown, holds his Penis in one hand and his Testicles in the other,
Lifting and moving them Around and around gently.
Then, she takes a close look and says, 'No sir, they aren't and I assure you, there's nothing wrong
With them, Sir !!'
The man pulls off his oxygen mask, Smiles at her and Says very slowly,
'Thank you very much. That was Wonderful, but listen Very, very closely.....
' A r e - m y - t e s t - r e s u l t s -b a c k ?'
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Coolest guy at the boat ramp
Dorothy: "That nice George Johnson asked me out for a date.
I know you went out with him last week, and I wanted to talk with you about him before I give him my answer."
Edna: "Well, I'll tell you.
He shows up at my apartment punctually at 7 P.M., dressed like such a Gentleman in a fine suit,
and he brings me such beautiful flowers!
Then he takes me Downstairs, and what's there but a luxury car... A limousine, uniformed chauffeur and all.
Then he takes me out for dinner... A marvelous dinner... Lobster, champagne, dessert, and after-dinner drinks.
Then we go see a show.
Let me tell you, Dorothy, I enjoyed it so much I could have just died from pleasure!
So then we are coming back to my apartment and he turns into an ANIMAL.
Completely crazy, he tears off my expensive new dress and has his way with me two times!"
Dorothy: "Goodness gracious!... So you are telling me I shouldn't go out with him?"
Edna: "No, no, no... I'm just saying, wear an old dress."
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The following submitted by ( The McCarty's
TOILET OUT OF ORDER.
PLEASE USE FLOOR BELOW
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AUTOMATIC WASHING MACHINES:
PLEASE REMOVE ALL YOUR CLOTHES WHEN THE LIGHT GOES OUT
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In a London department store:
BARGAIN BASEMENT UPSTAIRS
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In an office:
WOULD THE PERSON WHO TOOK THE STEP LADDER YESTERDAY PLEASE BRING IT BACK OR FURTHER STEPS WILL BE TAKEN
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In an office:
AFTER TEA BREAK STAFF SHOULD EMPTY THE TEAPOT AND
STAND UPSIDE DOWN ON THE DRAINING BOARD
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Outside a Thrift secondhand shop:
WE EXCHANGE ANYTHING - CLOTHES, JEWELRY, TRINKETS, BICYCLES, WASHING MACHINES, ETC. WHY NOT BRING YOUR WIFE ALONG AND GET A WONDERFUL BARGAIN?
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Notice in health food shop window:
CLOSED DUE TO ILLNESS
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Spotted in a safari park:
ELEPHANTS PLEASE STAY IN YOUR CAR
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Seen during a church conference:
FOR ANYONE WHO HAS CHILDREN AND DOESN'T KNOW IT,
THERE IS A DAY CARE ON THE 1ST FLOOR************************************************************
Notice in a farmer's field:
THE FARMER ALLOWS WALKERS TO CROSS THE FIELD FOR FREE,
BUT THE BULL CHARGES.
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Message on a leaflet:
IF YOU CANNOT READ, THIS LEAFLET WILL TELL YOU HOW TO GET LESSONS
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On a repair shop door:
WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING. (PLEASE KNOCK HARD ON THE DOOR - THE BELL DOESN'T WORK)
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Man Kills Self Before Shooting Wife and Daughter
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Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says
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Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
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Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over
What a guy!
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Miners Refuse to Work after Death
UNION RULE
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Criminal Court to Try Shooting Defendant
See if that works any better than a fair trial!
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War Dims Hope for Peace
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If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile
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Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures
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London Couple Slain; PoliceSuspect Homicide
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Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges
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Man Struck By Lightning: Faces Battery Charge
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New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group
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Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft
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Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
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Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half
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Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors
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And the winner is....
Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead
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The Army A man was in front of me coming out of church one day,
and the preacher was standing at the door as he always is to shake hands.
He grabbed the man by the hand and pulled him aside.
The Pastor said to him, "You need to join the Army of the Lord!"
The man replied, "I'm already in the Army of the Lord, Pastor."
Pastor questioned, "How come I don't see you except at Christmas and Easter?"
He whispered back, "I'm in the secret service.
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A young family moved into a house next door to a vacant lot.
One day a construction crew turned up to build a house on the lot.
The family's six-year-old daughter naturally took an interest in all the activity going on next door.
She hung around and eventually the construction workers adopted her as a kind of mascot.
They chatted to her and gave her little jobs to do and at the end of the week
presented her with a pay envelope containing a dollar.
She took this home to her mother, who said all the appropriate words of admiration and
suggested that they take it to the bank the next morning to deposit it in her account.
When they went to the bank, the teller was equally impressed, and
asked the little girl how she had come by her earnings.
"I've been building a house this week," she replied proudly.
"Goodness!" said the teller. "And will you be building a house next week, too?"
"Yes," answered the little girl. "If we ever get the f%&#ing bricks."
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Like us or hate us,
both are in our favour,
If you like us we are in your Heart,
If you hate us we are in your mind.
~~BUCK~&~BUCKY~~
~~4EVER~2GETHER~~
